Traditionally built mama...

So i've not forgotten the main reason why i'm doing this blog...The kids back home....and time really is running out to get as much as I possibly can for them through this little venture of mine.....Please donate soon ...and (here comes the emotional manipulation part...) ....I got to say this weeks running has been tough and i'm really in need of some motivation...you believing I can do this helps soooooo much!!  Enough said.....Please DONATE HERE

So today I went for a run again, yesterday was just a swim since it seems the Monday run has knocked me for a biggie...my poor body is screaming at me....WHY HAYLEY WHY!!  

Anyways, besides the money we've managed to raise so far, today I did realise one other great thing has come from this little adventure....Possibly too much information......You have been warned...

I am a traditionally built African lady (If you have read the No.1 ladies detective agency you will get my reference I feel, if you have not, read it, its easy reading and brilliant)...I don't know how better to put this...I am well endowed in my posterior region.....and since moving to Finland my posterior has become more 'traditional' than it was upon arrival...making me even more traditionally built if it was ever possible....SO needless to say, when I started this journey running was a little difficult, not just because it was a struggle to drag myself out there but also since it felt like I was carrying two very large heavy companions behind me at times.....and the buggers were not firmly stuck on, so there was a lot of bounce going on....So yes....it was tough....however today I realised, my friendly companions are no longer making themselves known........It seems my friendly set of buns have reduced in size...and its one less hassle I have to contend with whilst battling the conditions I am running in...It was very exciting....

Now don't get me wrong, i'm still well in the whole 'traditionally built' body style...Beyonce and J'Lo must however be made aware....There is a lady in Finland who is making headway and may well have to take out a booty insurance very soon.....pity I can't sing though....hehe...I can however do a mean warthog dance as all the kids I know will attest too!!

Anyways, a small thing to the world, a BIG (but small??!) thing to me :)

No more writing...just pictures of the run today...It was truly gorgeous, its been snowing a lot and well...the sun came out a bit at times...making it well worth the pain...

Have a great weekend and don't forget to donate...it will make you feel AMAZING!!!

I never tire of seeing frozen white trees when its cold...against a grey sky even makes it more magnificent!!

Random shot, but I love the colour against all the white....

My boats were almost invisible!!

SISU....

Well yesterday I did my first long training run here in Oulu ... I have to say all the poopy I sprout about how great running makes me feel, how invigorating and thrilling and all that....well yesterdays run sure did not bring about ONE of those emotions or feelings!!!!!!!  It just was hard work and sucked balls.....

I had sussed out the weather, it was -2, and snowing lightly and not too bad a wind predicted.....I figured, well it shouldn't be slippery and with a light layer of snow I figured it would be a bit crunchy so easier to run on...I didn't want to wear the adapted running shoes (the nail jobs) as I can see they do help, but i'm not sure how my feet could cope over a longer run with them...so I didn't want to risk that issue...so yes, my research as to conditions for the day left me with a good feeling...as in this would be a great day to give 16K a shot....

WELL...let me tell you, it was not fun at all.. here is why:

1) I set out with my camelpack, decision being so I wouldnt have a heavy bottle and phone and the extra scarves and gloves and snacks in my pockets....phone and money could fit into the packs storage place and then I had the rest in my pockets....not heavy, easier to run with....I could also then simply pop a straw into my mouth when I needed to drink, Makes sense hey??!! I had figured the water wouldn't freeze in the straw if I put it under my windbreaker...HOWEVER, I did not take into account that due to the neck scarf I wear and the earphone cables I would battle to unzip the windbreaker, then have to dig around on my right hand shoulder to grab the bloody straw and sip....It proved rather difficult ;) So yea, that was discovered after about 2kms....

2) I had taken a few small chocolates as I knew I would need some energy and was not in the mood for energy gels....they are sooooo sweet and leave me wanting to gag...but I knew I would need something....so I had a few ...well I figured they would be warmish as they were in my pocket, close to my body, so would melt in my mouth....I said to myself ok, every 4kms you can have one....well I was already pooped at 3kms (around that time I was realising, this was going to be a tough one!!)....I finally hit 4kms and took one out and unwrapped it and got it in my mouth.....WELL, lets just say it was NOT soft, in fact it was like I had a hard boiled sweet in my mouth, but for some reason it was not melting as I sucked...so it was like sucking a blob of plastic....I was also battling with breathing through my nose (possibly related to the snot dripping from my nose as it was a load colder than I had anticipated due to the wind and snow in my face...)...so I would try suck and then have to open my mouth to breath....alas, no melting taking place....so I figured ok...bite it then and it will melt....not a chance, this little fecker would not melt...so in the end it was like I had a chewy sweet in my mouth, it was stuck all in my teeth, and well I was alternating breathing with open mouth and then quickly trying to get the chocolate down my gullet....BAD choice of energy provider :)  I have never had that happen and it was totally bizarre...I mean honestly even the crappiest chocolate eventually melts....I tried a sip of water (which in itself took a load of energy to get into my mouth) to wash it down with...alas, I ran for about a km with bits of un-melted, plastic-y tasting chocolate in my mouth!!!!!!  Nasty...so yea, that was an epic fail too....

3) As I said I had checked the weather and thought it would be optimal for a run....decent temp and low/no wind...ALAS, at some stages I felt like I was running into a headwind...and seen as it was snowing (small sort of ice blobs, not the fun fluffy snow a lot of you may be imagining!!!!)...I was cold....I had my 'asics winter' gloves on...WHATEVER, as I have said before they had to have been made for winter in the tropics....but I had my lovely woolen mittens in my pockets that my mother in law had gotten for me to run with....Like the chocolate, I sort of rationed myself...I used it as a reason to get me to the half way mark....my hands were very cold and wet early on...so I was doing my 'chicken style' of running where I run and at the same time shake my hands to get the blood moving.....Problem is this takes energy...and I was not even at 8kms but tired...So yea, weather proved once again it was boss and the conditions were anything but optimal.....

However bar the headwind at times, cold sleet like snow and cold hands, what proved the toughest was that since it had been snowing lightly all day the paths I ran on were covered in snow....now normally its not a problem as it then is less slippery...BUT for some reason this was a problem....I think the under layer of snow had iced up and was slippery  and then the top layer was not firm..it kinda shifted....imagine running in the desert or on sea sand on top of glass??  Not easy....well this was the surface I was running on..OMG it was hard, I was basically shuffeling along like a little old lady, having to watch my step as the snow is not evenly distributed either...so besides falling you are worried about bending your ankle....shuffeling style in cold conditions I assume means your groin muscles kinda contract or do not stretch well...and so go kind of stiff...and so then running up the little peeny hills that do exist results in suddenly feeling of some groin muscle pullage and pain.....leading to the thought 'O shit...I cant pull a muscle now' I need to finish this hellish run....so yea....

I think i'm getting the picture across??!! 

And this was all before 8kms!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well I held out on the woolen gloves, I put them on at about 11kms when I really couldn't hold out anymore...I also kept trying the chocolates as I could tell I needed the energy...but nothing improved in that department either...I found the process of getting the straw in my mouth did not get any easier either...never mind the energy it required to suck the water into the pipe and then suck to get the water itself into my mouth (I felt like an invalid with not enough air in my lungs)....(I have been told and read that to stop the water freezing in the tube of the straw once you have drunk you blow back into the pipe, clearing the straw of liquid....it works, but requires breath ;)  So yea...

I had broken the run down in my mind into quarters, seen as I realised so early on in the run that it was not going to be an easy task, but I knew I would complete it regardless of how hard...so I looked at it like, ok only 3/4 left...then OOO less than half left etc.....It normally works really well...as the figures improve the further you go...well yesterday even that was no help....

I kept putting one foot in front of the other, knowing that I could not stop....if I did I was doomed....

I got to the 13 km mark and I just wanted to crawl onto the sidewalk and stop......I couldn't...I didn't even have the luxury of walking as by then I could tell my body would go into hypo/hyper thermia....it would shut down and I would be in big big trouble...I was wet inside my jacket...my head was soaking, my arms were so tired I had no strength in them whatsoever...I literally couldn't even lift my arms to get my water out to drink.....never mind fight with the pockets to release the chocolate or second scarf I had to warm my neck and new dry beanie....

Well I have NO IDEA how I managed the last 3.5kms, but I managed, I literally kept crawling along and got myself home...same time as my boys arrived back...so I had the pleasure of being accompanied down the driveway to the flat by my son....I got up the stairs to the flat and just sat on my haunches...I've NEVER done that....I've always been ok after a long run, as i've said before i've a very strong set of legs...Well I managed to walk into the passage way of our flat and literally just sit on the floor and breath...

To say that was one of the hardest runs i've ever done was no understatement...I think it was the force of the physical elements combined with my emotional state (I had a bad weekend...but that is another long story)....and phew....I had no thoughts about much except how totally crap this run was and WHY Larry WHY am I doing this??!!

So yea, when I say running is awesome....I am lying ;)  Hehe, no once I got over my suffering, I must say I am rather chuffed with myself and the fact that regardless of how tough it was, I did it...that is what this is about I suppose...pushing my barriers, not giving up....and I DO KNOW that when a good run comes around again, this crappy run will fade in my memories!!!!!!

I didnt even have the energy to take photos along the way...There were some magical views...but alas, my body said NO!!!!!

Have a good rest of your week...me I figure I can rest today...

Goals met and new routes discovered..

So very exciting, last night I opened the GivenGains link and I realised that the amount raised was sitting at R 4600, which was super exciting.....I had set the target for my fundraising at R 5000 but was not sure I could do it, at the time it seemed like a lot...As I have explained I've never done any kind of fundraising before....and this was all new to me....getting people to sponsor something that I'm passionate about seemed like a rather scary task....Well, my friends have pulled through and as of late last night, I got a few more sponsors and well....Thee balance is now sitting at R 5300...I can not believe it....something that seemed so crazy and impossible, well its come to be....I know the goal has been reached, but we can keep at it...there are still 36 days to go...Imagine if we could double the target...how totally cool would that be....

What has amazed me more is the people who have donated....I know many of you don't have a load of money, yet you have reached out and sponsored me, some of you hardly know me as well.....thank you so very much! The kids benefit, and that is what its ultimately about....Kiittos (thanks in Finnish, although possibly I've spelt it wrong ;)

Needless to say i'm not going to stop now....I sure hope you all don't ...hehe (emotional manipulation again)

So now about the new routes...in my running and in my life.....

I have been back on track with the running again.  The two weeks following the return home from the states were tough.  I did not feel like a fully functioning human and then I had a small procedure which involved prepping my body to the point of starvation and well it really knocked me, so I had to have a good longish break from the running ... I am so grateful I get to eat a well balanced diet is all I can say...

However, it seems I am back on top form and back out there....The weather has been brilliant and i'm making the most of it.  I am very aware that time is moving very fast and I need to get in a few good long runs before the 27th March...with this kind of weather, it seems I am going to be able to do so.....yay....So far this week I managed to get in a long trot on top of some fast shorter ones. The long one was one of those kind of runs where you start, with a plan...and the plan evolves as you get moving and you end up just going on and on and don't want to stop.....I LOVE those runs...The weather was brilliant, the scenery as always spectacular and I discovered a new pah at the same time...

I really tend to be a creature of habit...I am well and truly horrendous at directions and my one great fear is going on a run and not knowing where I am...I have no sense of north..south...east west...I have landmarks, and here in winter, I get totally disorientated, it all turns a very monotone white and looks the same ;) A few years ago I set out and decided to take a risk...and well I ended up doing a very long run and not really knowing where I was...I discovered a chemical plant in Oulu which I had no idea was there....so yes, because of the climate, I am not keen to run places I am not sure where I am....So I tend to stick to what I know and just keep repeating those routes, its a bit boring, but its safe for a non-directional kinda person like myself..... ;)  It seems like such a silly sort of thing, but I panic if I get lost, I once got lost along a hiking trail in South Africa, somehow I had gotten separated between the fast and the slow hikers.... mist was coming down, there were these massive sounding baboons (imagine a horror movie with this lonesome hiker trailing along in the mist and rain and wild creatures screeching all around here, darkness falling....that was me)....the sun was setting fast....It was one of the scariest things I've ever experienced and I know we don't have monkeys or baboons in Finland......but it etched a little fear of nature into my soul shall we say ...I did end up calming down and finding the right path eventually by consulting my map and using the brain cells I have....I also got to sit on a long drop/ loo / poop hole at the top of the mountain and enjoy my evening session with the most glorious view across a gorge, so was worth not getting eaten by the beasts....but that disorientation and fear...well they remain, I have a healthy dose of respect for nature and what it can do to us if we get lost...and I know I tend to always choose the wrong route if I am lost....so for me its safer to go with the familiar...

So its kind of fitting that I discovered a new route which is not on a path I usually run along...Its not far from my usual haunt, but I thought what the heck, its glorious....we cycle along here every summer, and well....just try!  Thoughts of mist and baboons were far from my mind.... It was gorgeous....well worth the risk ;) 

Well the discovery of this very lovely addition to my running route sort of resembles my life at the moment...new paths are being explored and so many exciting options out there....

This week we put our flat up for sale, its taken us as a family a long time to get to this point....I have been applying to jobs in other cities as its the time of year where jobs in the teaching market become available.....me and my little posse, we are about to embark on a new adventure.....Its fecking terrifying, we have wanted to do it for sooooooo long, but the fear of it has possibly kept us going on the old familiar sort of routes....now there are so many possibilities up in the air....its scary, its exciting and I cant sleep....I have no idea where we will end up....I just know, we've begun and woot woot...I cant wait to see where this one takes us...

I will miss the old and familiar of Oulu, so much I love about this place, as you have seen its beautiful....you have mainly seen the winter beauty in this blog, but to be honest, the summer is equally as magnificent....we have almost 24 hours of light, its so green its gorgeous, the cycling paths are phenomenal....we spend our summer on our bikes and outdoors, some days we really dont want to come inside......The friends that I have made here too, are special....my son was born here, I have been though some really hard times, through some really good times....Its one of my 'homes' now....I'm attached...I in fact think I'm ever so slightly Finnish too ....haha ok well I did say ever so slightly!!!! 

I have learnt so much about myself over the past few years, I have been forced to learn patience, to grow up and smell the roses, its not all about me and what I want and that I want it NOW... ...and that can not be a bad thing, but also learning I do count too...... now i'm ready to move on, this time with my 2 lads and begin a new and exciting set of adventures as a family....So yea...new paths...new opportunities...I've no idea where our destination is going to be, but the bus has started its engine shall we say .....YAHOO!

The Plan....

So, since I last wrote (I do apologise about the misery, I didn't realise I came across as so down, but clearly I was facing the dark dogs again) I have had time to think, stop the navel gazing and come up with some plans...I've also heard a little more about some of the new projects from the Anna Foundation and well I just am more determined than ever to do this and raise as much as I possibly can!!!!!!!!!!!

SO ONWARDS AND UPWARDS ....

Firstly, the weather has gone to pot again and we are back to the nasty icy, wet sloshy conditions.....so I have had to sort out shoes...and with the help of a friend who scouted the internet for solutions to running on ice, I have had a 'home job' done on my old running shoes and did my first jog with the 'more affordable spiked' version of icebug running shoes.....I am not sure if they are any better than running without the spikes...the jury is still out...so lets see, worth trying though as icebugs are super expensive.....On top of the need for more grip, I feel I need to come up with a raincoat solution, as I don't particularly like running with wet feet...but wet icy cold feet....well...so any home solutions for keeping my shoes dry??!!   Many puddles out there and it seems inevitable I shall get wet.....Regardless, I managed it in December, I will keep going now...The cold is not so severe so really its just a matter of having the will to get out there, find the least slippery routes, run around the puddles and go forth :)

Its a combination of ice/water/gravel and its ugly...

I have started working on a route too....If you are an Oulu person you may recognise the areas....but I am trying to combine my favorite route along the water with another section around the local lakes....so at this stage, with the help of the 'home job' fix-it lady, we have worked out a route....

Click this really cool image if you want to see....

This is our initial plan, I figured if I was going to do this and not the Two Oceans I may as well make it a route that makes my heart happy to run along....

The plan is I will do it on the same day as the Two Oceans, so the 27th of March, its the Saturday on the Easter Weekend...I however will not start at 6am as the race in SA is scheduled too...as well, sorry, but way too cold and early for this time of year.....I will aim to get going as early as I can though...Possibly 8am or 9am.....chances are it will be 9am....My support crew need to be willing to support and lets face it, Easter weekend out in the cold Oulu air is not something most people would willingly do ;)  But I know my friends love me and I will work as hard as I can at manipulating them to wake with the sparrows...hehe Funny how my little crazy dream has now become a group effort....

So anyways, that is the plan as to how I will do this....Its going to be a bit of a lonely run...nothing like running in a group, the excitement and buzz of the crowd at the start, having to slow yourself down in the begging...It is a natural thing to always start off too fast in a race!!...then pacing yourself, chatting to those around you when you start to loose the will to run (around 16kms is my wall), meeting new and adventurous people is always such fun....but i'm not too worried, there are a good few runs over the summer I plan to take part in, so its not like I will miss out, the plan for this particular run has just evolved shall we say ....I also love the time when I do run on my own as its a time to gather myself :)

Anyways, now I get to the part of the blog where I harass you and ask you to please sponsor me...or more realistically, please can you donate to the Anna Foundation.....I read their 10 year report....and like the foundation it is simple, pure and honest....No ulterior motives in what they do, just a great desire to help the children in the area.  A report on the impact they have had on the children in the area and well....a few stories about children whose lives they have impacted upon...The more I learn about them and their work, the more I just want to help.  Your sponsorship will not be wasted in anyways is what I can guarantee you!

Here is a link to the REPORT....please read and just seriously consider donating to my little run...its a drop in the ocean of their monthly needs, but every cent helps.....If I have already convinced you to donate, just CLICK HERE and you can donate....

I can't trust you to read through the whole report as maybe you are not quite as hooked on all this as I am...(its ok I won't hold it against you, we all tick differently)...however I am going to add a paragraph from Anna's introduction (kinda like force reading??)....to me it is brilliant and makes me even more sure of them and their approach.....

My thoughts...WOW....

If you are still not quite at the point of taking the plunge...let me help out even more (like I said at the start of this...I'm new to fundraising, its nothing I have ever done....so my approach is to take the emotional blackmail approach.....I really hope it works!!!!!!!!!!)

The South African rand at the moment is really bad...and its a real bonus for us who have Euros/Dollars/Pounds...I've just checked the exchange rate (online at xe.com)...here are the figures ;)

1.00 EUR

=

17.8222 ZAR

1.00 GBP

=

22.9726 ZAR

1.00 USD

=

15.7899 ZAR

You do the math...its a win win in terms of helping out...call it the perfect time to provide help to a brilliant cause.....There are 42 days left....we can do this....we can we can!!!

Now here is even more proof that you wont be wasting your money if you sponsor me :

I got an email from Carolyn, the lady I am working with at the organisation, this made me even more determined not to let my misery and self absorption take over this whole process....Here in Finland our kids get a well rounded lunch at school, for FREE...for me its just one of the many strengths of the education system here. Kids here do not go hungry, research proves that a hungry / badly nourished child really is at a great disadvantage in terms of their ability to learn, to cope in day to day situations and well their behavior is often affected too. (I have seen the proof of that in my son to be honest!! He turns into a MONSTER when he needs to eat)....I think in families where money is a problem...well, so is providing food and adequate diet....Now on top of all the positive stuff the foundation are doing they are also addressing the need to provide meals...Here is part of Carolyn's email..

'We opened a new project last month at AF Kriel Primary, close to Montagu (in the mountain in the middle of nowhere almost!).  The children are SO excited about our programme and enjoying every minute at the after-school.  They also get a meal first – we’ve teamed up with the Lunchbox Fund – so it’s all quite exciting and touching to see how they’re embracing the newness of their weekday routine.  When I hear feedback about the circumstances in that ‘neck of the woods’, you have to know how much every cent is helping to support those children who so badly need it!  It’s really sad but at the same time, so uplifting to know that they are being reached (and loved!!).'

Its wonderful :) I believe in this organisation and I really hope I have/am starting to convince you more and more to donate....this blog is not just about me and my journey.....Its also about these kids and doing all I can to give back to the children I can't help the children in the ways I would like to...but hopefully through it I can help with money to ensure they keep getting the love and nourishment they so sorely need to turn into wonderful confident human beings!!!

NOW I will stop...

CLICK HERE to sponsor me ...every cent is appreciated...

Moving forward....

Well its Sunday afternoon, here in Finland, today its a special day called Laskiaisuununtai (don't judge me if my spelling is wrong!) .....Basically that means we go sledding and eat creamy donuts like things (or pancakes).....

Its over a week since we have been back, I've calculated that I wont be going home to SA for the run or dads 70th and settled back into the routine of life here and recovered from the jet lag...

To be honest i'm feeling a little bit blue...I have not exercised since the last lovely ski I had on Thursday.  I have just not been feeling well or wanting to do anything and after getting my clothes on for my scheduled long run on Friday I realised that no way can I do this, I got back out of the running gear and crawled back into bed till it was time to get Noah....I do not do this often anymore, but when I do I realise I need to just back off, my body is battling.....I realise I am feeling pretty bummed about the whole not getting to SA for the run or dads 70th...It had kept me going through those months when it was so dark and hard here....I had a goal I was working towards and well...its just gone POOF....and I suppose I have to give it the credit for the effect it will have on me....Giving up things you ahve worked really hard towards does not happen without side effects on how one feels, I know this. However it still blows me away the effect it does have on ones enthusiasm for life if you had really been wanting it to happen....I should be used to it by now....but it still clearly gets to me :)

I also think the realisation that I was once again so far away from my folks and bro...well, like ive said one makes ones heart hard in order to cope with the distance, then you get to be together and when you initially part its all toughness and no tears....and then well....I suppose that little hole in your heart starts to hurt again....so yip.....I am happy to be home, back to the routine etc....but phew....maybe its also making me a little down/sad that I am not with them and not knowing when it will be next that I get to see them all....does it ever get easy??!!  I am part of a tribe, I miss my tribe....even if they are loud, irritating, ditsy .... ;)

On top of all that I started the sending off of the job applications to the schools in Helsinki pretty much the day we arrived as the last dates for application were for this past Monday.....and I really don't want to miss them....Lets just say filling in job application forms in Finland in Finnish, when even my dear husband has not a clue what they are requesting for some of the sections can be a bit overwhelming......Anyways, Ive put in many and its been rather hard as I know I wont hear from too many of them as I do not meet the exact criteria (and i'm not a Finnish speaker)...and here the teachers are just soooooo well qualified and good...so yea, on a bit of a downer about that all...

So  I basically as I realised a good few months ago, I really need to get out and exercise....i've just had too much time to ponder the issue called life (navel gaze!!).... feel sorry for myself and well lets just say I am a poopy pants :)  So at present its all feeling very overwhelming and I want to just crawl into bed and hide out again.....I won't I promise but the feeling is strong to do just that....I've come to far to do that.

I have decided, one more day off of the streets and then tomorrow I WILL force myself out, even if its hard, I know it will help....all these things I have listed above...well they are honestly minor in the great scheme of things, all so very first world...I am still going to raise the money I aimed to for the kids....I will still run the half...I will see my family, just not at the time or possibly place that I wanted....and I will get a job, it may just not as glamorous as what I want or it may be even more exciting than I ever imagined it could be.....i'm just having to learn patience and humility in the process.....I'm an impatient type, I feel I've spent enough time learning life's lessons, I want my life to carry on now....and herein lies the problem ;)

All of this navel gazing and then reading a few articles on 'happiness' and how the role of exercise is in improving peoples mental health is being recognised...has led me back to thinking...., HOW can one get a person who does not want to exercise due to depression to infact move themselves, its so simple, yet its the hardest thing to do if you are in the position of being depressed.....I remember how I felt a few months ago when I started on this little (or should I say HUGE) journey...how I searched for ways in which I could force myself out as I realised it was something I needed to do, and for me it is intuitive that exercise helps...but how to do it when you just physically can't, your limbs are heavy, your mind is blank, you don't want to communicate so who wants to bloody move??!!....I feel like ive come a full circle, I proved I could do it to myself....I proved to myself that it helps, I now KNOW it helps...and I'm terrified of going back there, and I am aware it could happen again so very easily.

So in the darker mood that I have been in I have been thinking what a load of crap it is to have all this research out there yet not actually provide the ANSWER!! Or at least provide ways that can get people who are needing to move....realistic ways.....none of the answers I found were realistic...To know what you need to do, but to also not feel like you can do it really do not help a depressed person feel any better about their situation, in fact I found it all rather depressing and dire, surely if there was/is so much research about how it helps...surely someone has looked into suitable ways to help those who need to really get going...All the suggestions I read were a load of bollocks and I remember reading one particular one saying that you should offer yourself rewards, like going to a movie or something that you want to do and thinking, well doode lovely advice but what a load of shite, you clearly have never been here, who wants to go to a movie when you are depressed, moving from the bed is hard enough...so rather stick to the research coz your advice is feckign bollocks....That kind of thought process is for someone who is able to reason rationally with themselves...

So yea, i'm now on a mission to figure out realistic ways to help people who are depressed, not able to afford therapy or in a position to go to therapy, never mind able to pay personal trainers or people to motivate them......There has to be ways....so help me out please if you have some answers :)

For me, what got me going was spending a good few weeks watching running documentaries....I also loved watching those weight loss programs on TV, the one with the lovely couple Heidi and Chris Powell on....Now I know much of those are very 'American' and geared towards creating a great show, but well, the people they worked with are all so real and face such issues/pasts that they seem to overcome.....I of course googled the ones who really caught my attention....and well...the approach of the program is not only diet, but exercise....and always by the end of the year, the difference in so many of the peoples outlooks was amazing and their transformation inspirational...For me I have never experienced any of the tough stuff these peeps have in their lives....so I do not even have the obstacles to overcome that they did......the Running documentaries and the stories of these amazing people.....all very ordinary...or very much sports people, but with real lives and stories to tell...the guts and determination involved in training for a marathon....well anyways I found it inspirational to the point where I was able to look around and think....shit man bales you too can do this...you can....

Like I explained in my very first blog...The transformation out of the depression did not happen overnight for me, it took many months.....but what helped me carry on was all those stories of people I had watched on TV .... I was alive, my body was physically healthy, so much more than so many people whose lives I had watched being transformed or those who wanted to be around but no longer were, like my magnificent and brave cousin....

So yea, what helped me was sitting on my couch day after day searching for help...not finding anything but the inspiration and strength came through watching others do amazing things with their lives......people basically gave me the help/oomph I needed...No one was trying to tell me how I needed to do this, they were strangers who I just happened to come across and well, they inspired me :)


Ok here endeth this massive ramble and well....if you are still reading...you sure are brave :)

Tomorrow I will get out and move..........

Adjustments....

So as I described in my very first post, life does not always do as I want and so I have had to alter some of my major life dreams....but I have found a peace at doing so and new ways to 'realise' my dreams...This run and raising money for the Anna Foundation was one way I could fulfill a desire of mine..... I got a sense of purpose back, it sort of helped me not feel quite so directionless shall we say....

Anyways, the adjustment of the latest dream is that I can not get to SA for the run. The cost of getting there is just honestly way too high.  My bro and I have looked at all options, and for the time I will be out versus the cost well....I just can not justify spending that kind of money.  I realise this is a first world issue.....  However, I am truly gutted at the same time.  I was so excited to be doing this, to be looking forward to running the route that this particular race goes along, its magnificent. Mostly though I feel like i'm letting everyone down....Before I gave up all hope of getting out there I checked and the money I have been sponsored so far still goes to the kids, and I can still carry on raising money.  It just feels like i've let so many down regardless....for that I am sorry, but money is a real issue and its not something to be squandered to satisfy a little need I have, too many people have none......I need to respect that.

So upon re-evaluation, I WILL still carry on training for a half marathon, however it will be here in Oulu, I will attempt it on the same day as the Two Oceans is being run, Easter weekend Saturday 26th of March. The one thing though is if I do it here I need to be aware of the weather....  So if the weather forecast is not favorable I may have to move the day...usually by that time of year its good weather though.  I will sort out a route here and I will organise a little support team to help me along the way.  I will do it...just not where and how I thought I would, I wont get a medal or have a formal running number or anything as exciting as that, but I will run a half marathon....So regardless of location, I am still going to keep at it...for the kids, for my sanity and just because I want and need to.
Maybe I need to add a new twist to the run though, to add some spice to the fact that I will be running in my town...possibly do it topless???  (....as a woman I would need a running bra on at least!) There is a man who used to run through the winter here without a shirt on...he covered all other areas of his body, but ran without a top regardless of the temperature, he is a legend, I saw him once...total nutter, but possibly I need to look into the possibility of doing something to make it more of a challenge...I wont have the anticipated hills to conquer so mmmmm..... Or do I need to try set myself a time to do it in...2 h 20 mins??! ..it may get more of you to sponsor me ;) Plus like you know, I thrive on challenges....

So yea, that is the latest news. Please forgive me, it could/can not be helped....UNLESS between now and then I win the lottery....then who knows, I also believe in the never say never philosophy!

But now enough of that...onto the training part.....

Well i'm back in Oulu.  The trip home was long and exhausting and for some reason the jet lag coming this way has been a lot harder on both of us.  We are getting there though.....Maybe its because I am so old now..hehe....

Anyways, we have come back to glorious weather, not the dreaded temperatures that keep us indoors for days on end....I have done one run so far, but have managed to drag my skis out and been skiing....

Our local haunt and my favorite running place was visited first, it was windy on the day we went, but the light is so much better nowdays and it was a real treat...it seems paragliding(??!!) is now the thing to do....

The original video does not seem to work,
so here is a dodgy pic but those spots are the parachutes.

I'm wondering if this would count as cross training???!! It certainly looked like fun...

However, for now I have decided I may as well take up skiing as my cross training.  I am the slowest skier I know...I mean apparently skiing is meant to be faster/easier than running and that is why people do it....well lets say, I ski slower than I run and all the lovely old Finnish folk (and I mean the old ones, as in they have wrinkles and are possibly nearer 80 than 40) pass me along the way, I just smile and say 'Huomenta', as if its all perfectly natural that I look so professional but ski like a snail....I have now being doing it for years and clearly i'm still crap at it...I figure I will just go for it anyways.  Its a novelty and apparently you use 80% of your muscles versus 60% for running....I think I may use about 95% when I ski...but cant be sure.....

As usual, my first ski was done with great enthusiasm, I made 8 kms in over an hour, I was all excited, felt good and got myself all keyed up about doing this local ski race on the 12th of March, its a 37 km route, I tried it a few years ago with a friend of mine (also Southern hemisphere born)....he finished it, me I managed to go till about 20 kms and then had to give up...my gloves had frozen and well...there were too many hills....I have to confess that at that stage of my skiing education I had not even realised that there was a way of stopping whilst skiing....I just assumed like with ice skating that one kept gliding until friction stopped you :)  So needless to say, getting up the hills involved me taking off my skiis and walking up, and getting down was fine till I reached the bottom which inevitably involved me skiing into the snow piles along the base of the hill, taking my skiis off so I could stand and then putting them back on...so yea, I was not ready to do it...but I tried anyways...

Now I am more knowledgeable, I realise there is a proper way to stop and a way to slow yourself down as you hurtle down the hills....As well as a way to walk up the hills  whilst keeping your skiis on too...I have not in anyway perfected the art, but I was thinking on this first day of my skiing that maybe between now and the 12th I can perfect the art and well...seen as its about 2 or 3 years since my first attempt at the tervahiito, I would be able to get a little further if I attempted it.....I'm also way more fitter than I was back then, so surely I could do it??!!

So yes, I spent that evening scouting out all sorts about the race itself....psyching myself up...etc etc...Shall we say I woke up the next morning, unable to move....I had forgotten just how  much skiing wacks you, the 95% use of all muscles in my body really was felt and a few days later, i'm still feeling it :)  So yip...my optimism is not quite so high at present...I figure I've about 4 weeks to ponder it ..but it would take me about 5 or 6 hours to do....It will be our last year in Oulu, and lets face it, imagine if I could do it....I'm stupid/arrogant enough to try, but the reality may kick in, I still cant stop properly, I cant walk up the hill like a duck either.....So for now i'm saying, just ski and get the benefits for the running, but deep down inside of me there is a little voice saying, 'Just try bales, just try...you can stop if its too much, there is always that....but if you don't try...you never know!'..

So watch this spot for details....This morning i'm trying to decide...run or ski..run or ski....easy or hard...easy or hard....I think I may ski....A long run is scheduled for Friday :)

This is the route along the forest behind my house....
I get to pop on my skis and go here....
While in non winter months I run here...how cool hey??!!

So anyways, that is me for now...

You have a good rest of your week and I will go attempt to move my limbs....

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