Hi ho hi ho its off back home we go...

Well I cant believe its nearly 3 weeks with my family and sunshine over with....damn time flies.....I am looking forward to getting back home and to getting our 'new' routine rolling..., start planning for our big move to Helsinki, looking for a place to stay, looking for jobs for me (ie wading through the Finnish technical language on the job sites using google translate)...and well start sorting out the trip home to SA, as well.....

HOWEVER, going to my home in Finland means I leave my family once again, and that breaks my heart...This was such a last minute, unexpected surprise, but so very needed.  Over time you kind of make your heart hard, you know this is how it is, you have to get on the plane and go....or let your loved ones go... I can't explain it, but you sort of have to toughen up...for me it means I will not cry, I will not show that I am sad when we part at the airport...I can't....because once I let a little of the pain of being separated through...well....On the other hand my brother has no issues with letting all the emotions flow.....He is a little more 'touchy feely' shall we say, I am the tough one ;)

So anyways, tomorrow mom and dad fly home and then on Thursday bright and early Noah and I leave...Its hard when your heart lies in so many places...but then again I suppose I am lucky as I have two places I call my home (My son pointed this fact out to me one trip back from SA when I was very distraught and had begun the crying.....So yea, I have two homes, I am lucky, people I love in both)...

If only it could be like this (and my other brother) more often!!
I got to win the lottery...

The past week has not involved much running sadly.  I've gotten flu from the 4 little terrors that i'm currently living with....little boys.....hygiene.....snot...coughing ......etc etc...lets just say they are not the most polite when it comes to dispensing their germs ;)  On Saturday morning I woke, feeling like a piece of poo and looked out the window to strong winds and 'sleet'....horrendous weather for this paradise...I couldn't bear running in it and felt I would do more harm then good if I dared to face the outdoors while feeling like that..I'm not sure if you watched the news, but there was a terrible blizzard in Washington...and I think South Carolina got the fart end of it, but for me it was enough to say no ways :) I felt no guilt....I get to run in much more unpleasant weather back home..... You would have thought the blizzard had hit Myrtle beach though, the locals were so excited about the 3 drops of snow that fell during the day....I had to giggle...I was SO like that a few years ago myself...

So I missed the 15K and i've not felt up to running since.  The golden rule for exercising while sick / flu-ish is, if above the neck, you ok to go, but if there is anything in the chest, sit it out...So i've been sitting the past few days out.  I feel loads better today (drugs helping possibly??!!) and now i'm hoping that I can get one more run in before I go....the weather today was amazingly summery again, so clearly the blizzard buzzed through and left as quickly, so one more run seems so possible again.........

So for now my bags are packed, sort of.....my heart is heavy and not so heavy....I look forward to getting back into a more regular routine back home...but gees I will miss taking exactly 3 minutes to get ready for my runs, having my brother make us all laugh with his silly antics and mostly being able to hop into the bed with mom and pops, have a morning coffee and chat ... man it has been wonderful......

This is how family should be more than it is not......but its better than never having it at all!!

 

Only 58 days to go....Sponsor me......YOU know you want to... CLICK HERE...do it now before its too late and you miss out this opportunity to BE AWESOME ..

Doubts

Well the euphoria of the half wore off and the realities of life return, along with the doubts and feelings of inadequacies about myself and life in general....Sometimes I just wish one could be on a buzz all the time, be confident and sure of oneself and yea...never feel like you are doing a hash job of it all....

I counted the days, its not PMS, so putting it down to the reduction of endorphines after pushing myself for the half and well....not having a job still and just the uncertainty of my families future, job wise and where we will live....(as in my little Finnish family...me, husband and son).  I had sent some work queries off after Christmas and finally heard back from them, it was a 'Thanks but no thanks' option, it does not matter how much you try be brave, you cant help feel like a failure...the one was in a place I would really love to relocate too (Netherlands) and I suppose that had a real effect on feeling like no one is ever going to employ me again, i'm a crap teacher and all the feelings of insecurity that come from being unemployed for a long time I suppose....So yea...a few days of being slightly blue I suppose is the best way to describe how this week has been.

I now know, when these feelings strike, I NEED to put my shoes on and run....the benefits always override the negative emotions that start to crowd into my mind, I just was not able to do it this week as much as I needed to....What still throws me is the fact that I allow these feeling to even peep in, I know how they make me feel and I HATE it...but yea, negativity and self doubt are just such powerful emotions, they seem to always be hanging around here in the background ready to sign in and take over at the first sign of weakness!!  And this week has been truly NUTS in the household...I wont go into details, but basically my parents discovered they had lost their passports...the boys have been wild, 4 emotional little boys in one house...and yea, the word manic few days describes the house this week :)  With my folks and brothers having to do a rush trip to Washington Dc at very short notice and then nearly get wiped off the face of the earth due to black ice and 18 wheelers, making you think WTF do we all live so far apart.....So I was not able to run as there were not as many adults to man the fort so to say. I have managed to put in 2 runs, and they have done me good...I feel better today thank god, it could be to do withe the fact that the 3 travelers returned before the real blizzard set in with temporary passports in hand......

Its so funny as I suffer NO DOUBT that I can do the half in South Africa now...I trust my body, its so very strong and I really am blessed in that area...my legs are strong, i've developed the coolest lungs of steel...but man my mind is a difficult issue in my life :)

So yip...I suppose for now I just got to go with the flow...this morning / afternoon (in Finland), my husband is in the process of sorting out a job....so that is wonderful, for us it is a big relief...It means we will move in the summer to an area where I have more chance to find work.....and I will learn some Finnish in between now and then (I hope ;)...But I just have to acknowledge the power that 'life', uncertainty, chaos (and being a member of my family = a life that is never dull shall we say) has a major effect on how I feel at any given moment, seems so obvious to you I suppose...but to me, at the age of 41 I suppose you can say I am still figuring myself out...I wish I was one of those people who had it all sorted!! .....I will fight these feelings when they come as I don't want to end up back in the place I was a few months ago...but alas, for now it seems I have to be alert and ready for the crappy emotions as they seem to be lurking close to the surface!! I really hope I get a job soon and I start to get rid of this self doubt about myself being unemployable....I am a good teacher I know this, but well...who said that ones mind was always rational???

Sorry, that's not really about training, but its whats ruled my life instead of running....I have managed 2 runs this week, I have to confess I am amazed that I am moving so much faster than I ever anticipated....its awesome, and I seem to be pushing myself more and more, my strength just amazes me.....Possibly i'm doing this as I know once i'm back in the cold (its been -31 degrees C there lately....so I know I wont manage this kinda running there)...but its glorious.....Yesterday after a long boring morning I got out and really pushed myself and my goodness it felt lovely :)

I am going to run the Myrtle Beach Winter Run tomorrow, its only 15K and I will push myself and see how I can hold up...its usually after 15K that I start to conk out...so i'm interested to see how I do....the only thing is today the weather is foul, wind and pouring with rain...I got dressed to go for a run and then saw, rain....and I made the executive decision not to go..I can run in crappy weather back home, I have no choice, but here...I have a choice....so i'm waiting to see how the weather goes later today, hoping the rain stops...and tomorrow is predicted to be cold, but no rain.....so I will keep you posted...I wont go if its raining, I don't have a raincoat!! (That's my excuse anyways).... Apparently there is a blizzard further up the coast so I am happy to not be there....I have great faith tomorrow it wont rain.....

As for the sponsorship, if you have dared to wade through that trivia, its going sooooo good...So thank you to you all...I really would be sooooo happy if more of you sponsored me....think of those gorgeous kids and the foundation that is doing such a great job helping them out....PLUS the weak rand...we really can pump money into it :)  Emotional manipulation over...

DONATE HERE....

New adventures!!

So yesterday I ran the Charleston half marathon...So very very cool...Especially looking back on it this morning, I had not planned or covered the distances I should have for a half but I figured why not, i'm not one to give up the possibility of awesome experiences...during the last few kms I really was not feeling quiet so positive or that I could actually do it...if you run you know what I mean....anyways I really don't want to get too far ahead of myself in my usual rambling blog :)

So before I get going...let me just first say that the SA Rand is SUPER DOOPER weak at the moment and its the PERFECT time to sponsor my little peeps in SA...10 euros would be nearly 180 Rands!! Just saying ...feel free to donate to the cause by clicking here , and there are only 68 days left too do so, so get in now before its too late...

So we drove from Myrte Beach to Charlestone in the most amazing rain i've seen in years....to arrive in a city that had roads that looked pretty much like on the Left...wow it was quite something and the funny thing was people just seemed to carry on as thought this was quite normal .. we managed to navigate through the watery roads and ge to our destination....very impressive I have to say.

We found the location for race number pick up...I got my number and we had a squizz around....Dad had a good chat to a good few peeps in the area, it was so cool to be there with my dad. A real unexpected treat.

We found out that there were going to be 5000 runners....for me, someone who has run in a few places, but all of them having much smaller runner populations, this was all rather exciting...Im usualy the last in or very very near the last runner.....back in the UAE as well as in Finland......i'm not complaining, but unless you are running with people surrounding you when it gets tougher towards the end its a lot harder and I did not have my groovy pink MP3 player with me for this one, so I knew I would not be pounding those last few kms alone....

So yea, very exciting....I realised then that this was going to be super exciting and hopefully I was not going to be the last in the race..but mostly was really hoping I was going to meet some new peeps...for me the comradeship is always the best....encouraging people, and people encouraging me.....its part of the spirit of running. It gives you faith in humanity and helps you remember the world is full of very courageous, strong and awesome peeps....and you are surrounded by them..

So on Saturday morning pops and I left bright and early for the start, were way too early, it was cold but I did manage to avoid the crowds for the portaloos.....OMG before a run you always need to pee...some peeps need to deliver their morning number 2s as well so it really can get a bit ugly shall we say ;)....and at this race lets just say the line was LOOOOONG...so I was glad for our early arrival...it also gave me time to hang with my pops, my hero who is full of lovely stories and experiences from his past running days....the downside was it gave me a lot of time to faff and worry that i was unsuitably dressed...was I going to be too hot...was I going to be too cold...I didn't have water with me, or my energy gels that I have been using these past few longer runs...would I be ok with just the water tables...what if they ran out....I get hot, I need a lot of water, will I cope running for over 2 hours in the sun...im ghostly white, my skin is not used to that much sun, i've no cap....bla bla bla....like i say faff....all things I really could do bugger all about!!  So lets say I faffed ... but pops was a rock and totally believes in me and he left to go back to the hotel and I did the last half hour just amongst all the runners ;)

My hero and inspiration

So just before 8am everyone starts to line up, I see some boards being held in the air with times on, so I make my way towards the 2h30 board as I recon, well I may as well try get it under 2h30 while im here....My last half I finished just over that time, so even if I have not trained for this I figure I can at least try...im a bit of an optimist and often can be rather over hopeful and enthusiastic...but really I just needed a spot in this mass of people to stand.... some peeps starts singing the star spangled banner over the microphone and slowly from the front moving backwards the crowd goes silent....most start standing with their hands over their hearts.....quite a moving experience standing amongst a group of people who are clearly proud of their country....for me living in one country but being born in another...or possibly without having one fixed place I call home, but two, I found it very emotional....I would love to have just one country I call home....it sounds strange, and I suppose in a way it is, but for me I find it hard....and to be amongst that crowd I was really moved...maybe just pre nerves and the fact that I was alone...not sure....but yea, very moving....

Then the movement forward began.....It was amazing, took us about 3 or 4 minutes to get to the starting line.....and we were off....navigating oneself through this mass of people.....it starts as a very slow movement and then you get to pick up your pace and by the first km you are actually starting o set your pace....

I know this is a crappy photo, but It really was magnificent, on the right was the sea(?) or a river....ahead you could just see this LOOONG stretched out line of runners.....all just toodling along....

The first part of the run was through the gorgeous part of charleston city, the historic area I think its called...surrounded by water, magnificent old houses and at various intervals people playing instruments and cheering us along.....I managed to set a good pace for myself, I was not tired, I seem to have benfitted from running in the cold...lungs of steel??!!  But yip, I just felt like I was trotting along at a comfortable pace....then we started to move to an area of charleston that was not quite so 'gorgeous' but looked like it was a poorer area, the less wealthy area....but still lots of people out watching us run past their houses...being encouraging....

Then the slog began....it was around 13 or so kilometers, I knew I was more than halfway and if I carried on at this pace I would do a decent time...but I think between the heat and just not having anyone to chat to and needing something 'sugary' for a boost I started the part of the run where you start to think you are an idiot for doing this stupid run, the doubts about your sanity start to set in and you just feel like you are a fool for trying and I suppose I would call it the 'doubting depressing phase'....

So in order to overcome this mental battle I decided to try chat to someone....make a mate shall we say, so I spot a fellow lady looking about my age, my sort of pace and well no earphones to compete with :)  So anyways, to cut a long story short, here I am, a South African- slightly Finnish kinda peeps, running a random race in Charleston in the USA and the lady I pick up to chat to turns out to be a South African - American lady who grew up in my part of SA, her father (and herself) have run comrades a few time....and well just had an upbringing that really is so close to mine.....Mind blowing really if you think about it!!  What are the odds.....Life is strange, and amazing, I suppose you just got to be open and it will keep surprising you  :)

So thanks to my surprise meeting I met someone who encouraged me through those few very hard last few kms, by 16k I really could feel the pain of not having covered the longer distance training, my right hip was starting to hurt and my mind was very weak...My new friend stayed with me but there was a point where I really had to walk, I HATE walking as its really hard to get going again and I was so near the end...but my body was angry with me...I needed liquid, I needed a boost....a water table was not too far away and I stopped filled myself up with masses of gatorade, and water...and then started running again but really really slowly...some huge burps later, no farts, at least ;) I kinda got my mojo back ..I was tired, but I could hear the noise of the end....it was through what I think is called the old navy base (?) and the route was gorgeous again...makes it easier to run when the surroundings are gorgeous...it was gorgeous.....

I basically made it to the end, I picked up and ran really fast as the official time when I hit the 13 mile mark was 2h 29 or so and I realized I was not going to make it in the 2h30...I really wanted to give it my best...my watch was saying I still had a minute or 2 before 2h30, so I put foot and ran like a bloody Ussain Bolt (hahaha whatever)...I crossed the finishing line and the official clock said it was about 2h30 and a few seconds....I was not as dissapointed as I thought I was going to be to be dead honest...shit I mean come on, here I had signed up for the race a few days before, I have not run in the sun for months and well....I fecking did it in a time better than i've done in the previous 2 halves!!! I think I can do the Two Oceans....the hills are still terrifying, but I will make sure I do some hill related stuff when I get home!!

I asked someone to take a pic of me at the end, I was then to catch a shuffle back to the start and my pops was picking me up....The end was pretty cool, so many people, so much vibe..I couldn't find my new friend, but I figured I would find a way to get hold of her, there is always Facebook if all else fails :) and she had a name that was easily recognisable....

So I got my badge, I stood and drank a ton more of gatorade, went and collected my bag from the tent, popped into the showers and caught the shuttle back to the start where I was met by my pops and nephew.....

The shuttle turned out to be a good old american school bus, one that i've seen in the movies for years.....so yet another cool memory :)

We went to fetch my mom from the childrens' museum as she had been assigned my child for the morning...she looked harassed and exhausted, but no complaints!!!!!!!!

I am so lucky to have such a brilliant supportive family, I know that it was not a bundle of fun for them, but I do know that they allowed me to do it, supported me and never once complained, pops fetching carrying, driving around on the wrong side of the road in a big strange city at all hours of the morning, watching obnoxious kids....mom dealing with two obnoxious kids and standing around for many hours in a smelly museum/school gym hall etc etc, Both of them sleeping in a small uncomfortable hotel room listening to my really bad snoring, and all duties performed on very little sleep....just so I could run a race....I am grateful...I wont bother mentioning all my brother (the one with the badger on his face) did to allow this to happen but I do love him dearly and appreciate him too.....

Family that is like mine, well they are hard to find and I am so lucky that I have them....as crazy and loud and nutty as we all are :)

Barefoot running.....

So we are here in Carolina...the trip here was a bloody nightmare, but somehow we made it through in one piece!!

ONLY 72 days left...CLICK HERE...and sponsor me please ;)

I still have no idea how we made it, from start to finish the trip was full of travelling nightmares...from not having organised the 'visa' for my son and for a heart stopping few moments thinking I would have to cancel the trip....  sitting in the public toilet at Helsinki airport while my son delivered the largest poo I think he has done in MONTHS, desperately trying to convince him there was NO NEED to remove all his clothing while he did so (a habit we can not seem to get him to break...)...to sitting in a plane for over 2 hours while they manually started the plane, it was too cold and the engines would not start... this all before we had left Finland!! The 2 hours we had in our layover at JFK was used up in the wait on the runway in Helsinki.  I had wanted to do this trip relaxed and calm....however, this delay resulted in a MAD, and I lie not, MAD dash, through JFK...Border control...luggage pick up .....luggage drop off...security...5km run to gate...board plane.....All while waving an orange 'SPEEDY TRANSIT' ticket in my hands....I think my son and I managed to make it through the airport in record time to be honest... during the last part of the dash I managed to perfect the art of barefoot running......well, barefoot running with socks on...My son was just a bloody legend is all I can say.

Yes, I ran from one end of JFK, a rather large airport to say the least, with my shoes in my hands laptop in my arm...my backpack on my back, my sons backpack in one hand and then my 'see through bag' full with my liquids (suppositories!!) exposed for all the world to see in the other hand ... Im not even quite sure how or where I held my shoes, but I seemed to have them when we found our seats..so they were in the mix there somewhere!!  I have NO idea how we did it, from landing to plane take off we had 30 minutes..but WE DID IT :)  We slipped through the boarding gate and were the last on the flight, but we did not miss the next flight and got here in almost one piece ....

I have to say I do not enjoy flying, and I really am not happy to run through major airports like a hooligan ...but sometimes you just got to work on your running style...and I did and I got to say, I prefer running with shoes ;)

So yea, we are here, its NOT as warm as my mom has said....but we do have glorious sunshine for many hours each day and for that I am most grateful!  So far I have done 3 runs, the first 2 rocked...the one today was not so good...but such is the nature of running ... and last night I did get stuck into the chocolates...there could be a link .. hehe

Note: the GLORIOUS clear skies.....

Anyways, I have registered for the Charleston half marathon this coming Saturday....I'm very excited....I had not seen it when I was looking for runs before I came out here...We will go there on Friday, apparently its a lovely city...we will stay in the historic quarter...which I have no idea about but will be able to expand on it more after the weekend...The run is early Saturday morning...I've not done the distance training, but i'm just thinking even if I take 3 hours, what a thrill...I have run marathons in the UAE, Jordan, Finland...now I will do one in the USA and then soon after this the big one in SA .. how very exciting!!  We used to joke about doing runs on different continents many years ago...and somehow I seem to be doing it, even if its not been somewhat unplanned..... Funny how you really just cant predict life and what you will end up doing....But yip, very excited about running this race and well getting to run in the sun, and enjoy the vibe as I run through a lovely historic location....Maybe I will make some new friends too!!

Anyways, I do hope to write more but for the moment life here with my family is NUTS...imagine 4 little boys between the ages of 5 and 10....4 wild little guys....a very loud Uncle John...a very loud Hayley and an exhausted Granny and Oupa...so lets just say when the kids crash...I seem to too .. but I have to say I wouldn't change this opportunity for anything.......The half marathon is a real cherry on the top!!!  I SO love being close to my parents and brother, being able to run a half marathon in a t-shirt and shorts make it even more perfect....

Here is a pic of the little peeps who are more than a handful....nothing is simple when you got 4 of them around ... the energy used up daily is excessive!!  I so wish I had half the energy in my bones than they do.

My son wakes up and wants to go outside IMMEDIATELY, this trampoline is heaven
I have my cross training sorted......Double bouncing 4 very excited little guys for hours on end.

What can I say, but this makes my heart warm!!

Almost time....

Donating time left 80 days only......

Phew, so its Tuesday and we leave on Thursday dark and early :)  So so so exciting....

As I said before I decided after the longer run on New Years Day that I was not going to run again untill I was in Carolina...it turns out  I actually would have liked to have run but I ended up falling down some stairs while visit a special friend and I feel it was nature telling me to just rest and chill....You can prepare as much as you want...try to take all precautions to avoid slipping on the bloody ice and banging yourself up....(even go so low as to wear your cycling helmet!!)...and then all it takes is a pair of woolly socks, a lovely atmosphere where you are all relaxed and showing off  and next thing you know, you are very grateful for your sizable butt cheek cushioning!!!!!!

Thank goodness it was more of a shock than anything else, but I decided until i'm safely at the next destination...I will simply rest up :) Evidence provided by our trusty friend the internet also states that muscles heal and recover much better with more rest than not...so consider this me repairing my muscles and NOT me avoiding the cold :)

I have to report that we have not been totally idle here in the village of Oulu....As I said the weather has drastically cooled down and the past few days we have been ice skating on the 'local' rink behind our house and then more excitingly on the 'Bothnian Bay' (the sea here)...which gives me a thrill every time I go (I've been doing it now for about 8 or 9 years and i'm still like a kid when go get to walk on it!)...I like to boast that I have walked on the sea...I like to make all and sundry think i'm so totally totally brave, and I am ;)....but sadly I have friends who like to fill the world in on the fact that the sea I walk on is knee deep and at no stage am I really in any great danger...BUT STILL!! Its cool....This year is the first time i've gotten to ice skate on it....and well...GLORIOUS and so so special, I have to say I feel so totally privileged really.  Its amazing how one awesome afternoon can make up for all the hard months of darkness where you feel so caged in and depressed...I mean how many of you have gotten to walk on a frozen sea never mind skate!...I have to admit it makes me feel lucky....

So I feel we have been active, but how active one can get in -16 degrees is a bit iffy....

So besides pottering around and playing with ice, i've been getting ready for the trip....I have to admit i'm now quite scared as I have never traveled anywhere besides SA with my son on my own....and this time its to the big scary USA......This anxiety before travelling is new to me and I am finding it quite disconcerting...she who is all brave and buff has dissapeared for teh moment.

I am rather pedantic though and got all my documents printed copies, labels for everything including my son....we did some 'snack' shopping today and he is sorted :)  I do realise tomorrow I shall have to go through his carry on bag and minimise his booty as....in his excitement I think we have all the lego in Oulu and way too many biscuits :) He has however offered to buy something for me from his 9 euros in case I don't have enough....so at least I need not worry about our finances while over there!!

Anyways, for me, my main problem was WHAT TO TAKE...I have gotten my summer running gear out, but i've no clue....I realise I live from season to season here, and when fully into a particular season as we are now, I can truly not remember what is suitable for a different season.....Its like appropriate clothing evolves as the seasons do here...So i've put in 3/4 running pants, and then a long pair of running pants.....I've resisted adding my woolly leg warmers and thermal running gear....but I have to admit to feeling as if I will die of cold while running over there...So running gear packed....Lets see lets see, ive resisted the urge to add my reflective gear too, but it hurts to leave it, I feel like I will regret it (??!!)....Apparently its warm, but then what exactly is warm....and will we feel cold or warm...

My main hope is to run and no be too cold or too hot...but just get to run and enjoy the freedom of not slipping and worrying what if I slip or will I get too cold and have to stop??!!

Regardless to say i've waxed the mustachio, legs and bikini line...so what with the correct running gear and smooth body....I feel i've covered all bases and can only hope for the best!!!!

So so exciting......

Lets hope there is not a bloody tornado as I will cry if there is....selfish I know, but i'm expecting the tropics as I have been promised by my mom.....

One final pic before I sign off tonight....not very 'running' orientated, sorry but its all part of the training schedule :)  hehe

Here is what -16 looks like...

Happy holidays or last few days of holidays to you all :)  I hope next time I write I will be able to tell you I have just run a 10k in the best time yet!!!!!

Please DONATE here :)

Guess who is on a high today...

It truly is THE SUN!!!

So its 2016 today and all I can say is WELCOME...2015 was not a good year for me, the last say 2 months were ok, but well lets just say i'm excited about all that is going to happen over the next few months in my life...So many possibilities its glorious and i'm ready for them....woot woot, bring it on bring it on ....(If you cant tell i'm on a high...endorphin's!)

I don't know if you can relate to this but when I run I do a lot of thinking, its my thinking time.  I find being a wife and mother tough going, I come across as a very social and outgoing person, and I am in many ways, BUT I also need me time, time to catch up on all the craziness that lurks around in my head, time for me really, where the only demands placed on me are mine.....I need to just be still in my soul and listen if that makes sense?  So yes, I've realised that this is what running is providing me again.  Today's run was one of the best I've had so far ...

Its definitely helping keep me on track in terms of sinking back into a depression, over Christmas I was a bit worried, it was really dark and well hard for me, it seems to be that time of year.  I had a few runs where I just felt like giving up, all I could think was, bales this is just fecking stupid....a pipe dream ....You are not enjoying this, and well nothing is going to keep those dark clouds away...Its inevitable....You've tried, now accept, not possible....Its just too much of an investment in terms of physical willpower and you not got it baby..

Not being able to be with my own family, my own traditions and just enjoy the kind of relaxing Christmases I grew up with surrounded by lots of people, cousins, arguing, loudness.....Its nothing I can explain as I love being with my family here, seeing my sons joy and excitement...they are also precious, but not being able to share it with my friends and family from MY PAST...the people who made me me....(well i'm still evolving as we can tell..but you get my drift??)...I send loads of crappy whataspp videos, I send way too many pictures, I want to share my life with those I love, those everywhere.....but its not the same...but yea, Christmas is a time where I seem to realise, peeps, this is the choice you made, it cant change....so yes, I need to figure out this bit...BUT, I allowed around 4 days of wallowing, I realised I needed too...my mother gave me some sage advice (I don't mean the herb, i'm trying to be eloquent here...as in wise...sage??!), anyways my mom always said Bales give yourself some downtime, its ok, we need it....but decide how long you need and then you sort yourself out, no one else can do it but you....so I figured ok, I will have a few days rest...and I did...and then I got my butt out there and I ran.....The first one was the hill run...It was fun, it was silly and I ENJOYED IT again...but I had my wallow too.

I got my time to think, reflect on all and just be me while figuring out the hill routine....Then last night I popped my shoes on and though ok, small one, but get out there....It too was awesome....I ran short but fast, the temp was just below zero, so not cold, the roads were not slippery and it was dark....I enjoyed it...I also realised gees, ok i'm not doing too bad...and I thought once again...I CAN do this I CAN....

Now as I said a while back (if you are one of the brave and have read as I have gone along...I know I ramble on....verbal diarrhea in text form ;) I am a little addicted to my phone app that tells the hourly temperature....I've become obsessed with what possible weather i'm going to be subject to. Anyways, I have noticed that today's temperatures were colder, but then its going to drop drastically below -10 until I leave for the USA....So I decided screw this i'm going to try a long one today.....Well its not like i'm a big party animal and brought the new year in with a bang... I was in bed last night by 10pm :)

These are two of the ice breakers in the harbour.....
I loved being able to see the sun shine on the buildings...Its getting higher in the sky so its starting to really
shine down on us mere mortals again!!

Well the day was MAGNIFICENT, I set out thinking ok, if I can do 10K i'm happy.  I am the kind of runner where I do a lot of just going for it, seeing how I feel and then deciding where i'm going to go. As I set out I toyed with the idea of doing some of my 'hayley hill' technique, but then I thought nope, lets just try see how far you can keep at it.  It was -8, did not feel to bad, but there was a very strong cold wind in certain areas....So I set off, I had a rough idea of how I was going to go forth...I did not know if I could do the distance, but I figured start slow....don't get too sweaty and see when you need to what the next part will be...

Well firstly the run was remarkably easy, I cant explain it, but my legs were not hurting, my butt cheek and hip were behaving and not hurting...I was breathing easily and I was just enjoying it...so I decided to do the next part of my little rough plan I had in mind, along the beach, the sun was out, i was not freezing, anyways needless to say, besides nearly having to end my run due to a bit of gas....um and possible follow through....which I swiftly diverted to a burp in order not to ruin a potentially glorious long run....I managed to make the beach part of my route...A bit of a hectic wind and I did have to develop a finger warming technique to ensure I was not going to be forced to stop due to frozen hands...I had to stop a skiing race I once entered due to frozen hands, I will not let nature stop me again!!!  My finger warming technique involved me flapping both hands up and down and did look very silly, but it was that or go directly home....It worked,  I got to carry on....

Anyways, in the end I managed to get 14.75kms in!! It was a lot further than I expected, besides the near shart and frozen fingers, the run was awesome.....It was easy, I did not get uncomfortably cold from cold wind and sweat....I was just comfortable, trotting along like a donkey, but happily.....I felt like I crossed a line if that makes any sense...

Pink and Orange sky....My beach....this picture does it absolutley no justice, but does give a hint of the beauty I experienced...

Its not been easy up till now, well not since the cold really arrived....And this was a long run....but my legs felt strong...I felt for the first time I CAN DO IT....and I do think now after this that I will be able to do it.....I wont run again till we leave for the states, I will go running once there, but I'm not going to force myself out in the deep cold till I really have to...It can wait!!!!!!  I will go swim a few times, and then its warmth and hopefully some lovely runs again...

So anyways a long ramble to simply say, today I did a longer run, it was amazing and well, i'm so glad I did it!!!! I feel like a rock star...and what a way to start my new year..its kinda like a confirmation to myself that its all good and if the first day is this lovely...wow...roll on 2016!

May you have a good year and well I hope to never write this much again! Forgive me ..