Me and why i'm doing this..

Hi, this blog is my first attempt at a blog as well as to raise funds.  So please be patient :) I am a South African born lady (though some may beg to differ on the lady part…) who now finds her life following a path that she never dreamed of while growing up.

While growing up I was so certain where my life was going to end up, I had plans for my future, where I was going and what I was going to do. For me the two surest things were that I was going to work in rural Africa with the children and that I was going to teach, my dolls/teddy bears will attest to that fact.

Anyways, as I have learnt along the road, life had different plans for me.  I am a teacher, but at present I am not teaching, for me this is hard.  Teaching keeps me alive, it makes me happy and its LOADS of fun. Seeing the students enjoy classes while learning, is for me a HUGE thrill.  It is satisfying.  I live in northern Finland, where the one thing I can do well, teach, is out of my reach at present.  We’re working on changing it, but for the immediate future, I do not teach.  It will happen again, i’m sure, but for now I am working on accepting the path life is leading me along. I am currently working on ‘The Hayley : Dream Amendment Act’, that is, I realize I am not able to work in Africa, but rather than sit around feeling sorry for myself, I need to change my dreams, adjust them. Living without a dream is not a good thing.  I believe in having dreams and goals….It makes life exciting and is a great way to keep pushing yourself to do things that make you a better person!

Be warned I ramble a bit….

Anyways, I have always loved running, I grew up with a father who was always running.  He ran the comrades marathon every year whilst growing up…he has always been my biggest hero. I am not a natural athlete, in fact I usually am the last in any race I take part in.  I love pushing myself and seeing how far my body can take me, testing my endurance is awesome :)

Very recently a cousin my age died from cancer, I was in a really low point of my life, it just seemed like I was walking through life but not really living. Lindy dying, and her struggle against it, her strength of character and just positive approach to life made me really sit up and take stock.  If she fought something so awful and cruel, what am I doing?  My problems are all in my head, I can change this surely?  It really woke me up…..I looked around and decided nope, this is crazy, I need to live, i’ve got a healthy strong body, I have a magnificent family and a most gorgeous son. I really started to reassess life around that time.   As many people say, my problems are simply first world problems, I am essentially VERY LUCKY …

Lindy and I

I was depressed beyond anything I had experienced for many years, I was in a dark place, but Lindy and her strength made me suck it up.  I needed to sort myself out, I sought out help from a doctor, I registered for a half marathon and I went on diet.  To cut a long and boring  personal story short, I started to run again.  I hated every step, IT SUCKED. Moving yourself while you are depressed, well if you have ever been there, you know, its not easy, you are told it helps, but when you feel like that well, its not easy. The bed is just safer and easier.  Any kind of action, even just thinking about it...well it exhausts you more......

I tried to find information about how one can get a depressed person to exercise, I don’t know, I was looking for something that may help me not hate every step, not dread it. It was not getting more enjoyable as one would expect, I was still depressed and well, I didn’t want this anymore!!  I felt like a selfish fruit bat really!  However, I knew this was a struggle I was going to win, I just needed to keep going if I wanted to complete the half marathon in honour of my brave cousin. So I did, each and every hard mile leading up to that half marathon. I have a very powerful build, and I figured damn this, I want to do this one for Lindy, for me too.

Well race day arrived, I had really not trained as one should for a half. I had covered the long distances and a few short ones, but I was nowhere ready like I used to be.  WELL I started and about half way through I kinda hit my groove….I felt exhilarated, I REMEMBERED that feeling of being alive, that love for running and how it makes me feel.  It was magnificent….I motored forward!  I do believe that was the day I started to heal and well started to really get with the program of life again.

My second half marathon..

I have since run a second half marathon and really do not want to stop running.  I’m scared of slipping downhill again, winter here in Finland is HARD.  Where I live, way up north in a city called Oulu, during the months October – February, our daylight hours are very limited, there are days where its just a dull grey, we have some crazy figure like we see the sky about 5 times during the November/December months….I cant remember the exact facts.  But its tough. When deep winter arrives here in Finland, running is difficult...in fact going outdoors is not necessarily fun in temperatures below -10 degrees!!!  I am a sun person, I am an outdoors person, winter here is not for those kind of people.  

So I started to think how can I keep myself running? Or exercising so I stay healthy and fit and well happy? I'm not an indoor gym kinda gal....I like being outside... After searching South African running races, I somehow ended up at the two oceans website.  I have cycled the Argus tour, years ago, it was magnificent.  The two oceans race is renown for being a beautiful run, it has an ultra marathon section to.  I want to do an ultra marathon and I figure ok im doing this one!  Anyways, sense set in.  No ways can I realistically train for an ultra marathon in 3 months, I’m nowhere near fit enough and well no ways can I guarantee that I will get the time on my feet to train for that kind of distance, especially during out winter.  I have gained a certain sense of sensibility with age, a sense of what is truly realistic....its a new thing for me.  I then spotted that you can run the half marathon and run for a charity.

In winter the sea freezes over, its remarkable...and very cold!

I then started to really think…well I know I can do half marathons with little training….AND after browsing throug some of the charities I saw the Anna Foundation, and I knew I WANTED TO DO THIS!  I can run, I can get to SA, to my country, AND I can raise some money for a charity that supports a dream of mine……working with kids in rural South Africa, supporting their education and growth into healthy citizens!!

So this is why I now have a blog…..dangerous as I have a lot to say and usually its long and rambly, and why I am raising money for a charity! Two things I never imagined myself doing…funny how life leads you down paths you can not forsee…i’m trying to be open to it and go with the flow…Here begins my process…I promise this is the last of the long posts and in future I will just update my running blog, how i’m coping and feeling w.r.t the being ready for the race, and pictures of my routes...As hard as winter is here, it can also be truly beautiful....so along with the hard comes the beautiful too :)

Click here to Donate