So maybe I was wrong....

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I loudly proclaimed that winter was here...alas, the temps have risen to above zero today and we are back to a nice smushy slippery surface!!  I was meant to do a long one yesterday, but I had a super exciting, non normal day and well I just didn't want to go...Yesterday I achieved a life long wish/desire and it was just so very very exciting for me.  I have always wanted to do a masters in mathematics, but I just did not feel I had the ability to do it, or even risk giving it a shot....But its been a desire. When I first came to Finland I studied, but it was in Education, doing a masters in math...well one has to be realistic....and I though I was being realistic....it was out of my reach.

Anyways, as I have explained I am unemployed, and I figured I may as well study if I was allowed to by the unemployment office here. The idea being to study so that I could teach up past Grade 9 mathematics.  In Finland the requirements to be able to teach right through to high school requires a subject masters. So I thought ok, I can try do that.  Its not a full on masters in that sense, half the credits are studies in education...which I had already.......so I applied and I got in....I was granted a position and well...went forth.....

After a bit of back and forwarding, I had to drop my idea of doing the 'easier' masters and go for the full on masters...which required a drastic change in the course I was doing...much harder, much much more scarier...It was why I had not dared to even consider it....but there was really no option, so I went and just sucked it up and gave it my best bloody shot......I had nothing to lose....It was that or simply be unemployed and do nothing....Im not a good 'do nothing person'....I get depressed, navel gaze and well....its boring to waste time doing nothing.....Well in the end I managed it!  It was in no way easy, it was as I always feared, TERRIFYING....I have never felt more stupid than I have this past year....wow, nothing like smashing your fragile ego to smithereens....But to cut a long tale short, I kept at it...I got it...I actually in the end did it....

So in  sense, life somehow set me on a path I DID NOT like, it made me feel things I did not like, it made me scared and insecure, I did not like that either...failure is a HUGE issue for me....I dont mind failing, but im not someone who gives up....I just could not give it up.....but I was scared that this was not honestly doable...when do you admit defeat?  When do you hang up your gloves and say ok...It followed me around for a long time....Then at some point I realised OMG, I think I can do this..I AM DOING this...gees, what a thrill!!

So now I am the owner of something I never thought I could have.....I still dont feel like I should have it, I don't feel in anyways different, but I got to admit I am thrilled I did not hang up the gloves...even though I wanted to many times!!!!!!!!!

So needless to say, yesterday I was full of nervous energy.....I couldn't sleep on Thursday night...I woke and think I was sweating from the time I woke...my big fear was they would turn around and say SORRY but you not getting this, we made a mistake...Its irrational, but well, it was going through my mind the whole time....till I saw my name on the overhead and well....Lets say I realise now...I have SISU (a very good Finnish word, it means grit...determination...staying power..tough...there is no real english word for it...but it combines all those things...), and if I did this, imagine what else I can do....

So Onwards and Upwards...

But yes, after all the energy loss, the thought of trying 13K, which was the scheduled run for yesterday was NOT HAPPENING.....Anyways, I just went with it...I really am doing what I can and when I can.....but I also know that to do the half, I need to put the 'time on my feet' and i'm worried I wont get the enough longer runs in when I need to in Februaury because of the weather....so today I woke....I had a sugar hangover...I had eaten really badly yesterday, no real decent meal besides breakfast....and to do longer runs in this weather...one needs to be suitably 'nutritioned up', shall we say ....However my son was being SUPER difficult...so I thought screw this, i'm going out...I need to breath and just decided I would rather face the elements than a temperamental 6 year old...SO I got set up for a small run, I didn't think I would manage much after yesterday...plus it was much warmer, so was worried about paths etc...

I started to run, slowly, very slowly, BUT I had my little creepy MP3 player and this song came blaring out.....Lets just say I LOVE THIS SONG....I got me a big butt and well...this song makes me want to dance........

So I ended up doing a 12K, very slowly, on some bad bad sections, stopping to take photos, as it was particularly gorgeous today...misty and eery...It was not so cold, so I was not worried about freezing up into a blob when I was taking the pics either ;)  So sorry for all the photos...but it was lovely....

The run was around my favorite area...the harbor...sea and river...I'm glad I went, I enjoyed it, it was NOT easy, but I did it...the weather was mild, so it was a good one to sneak in.....and well I came home and my son was still being a little monster...So I got a good break from that too....I had a good section of music on my player that kept me going....so all in all, waiting for today to run was worth it....

Here are some of the pics....

I put a pic of this in a previous blog...as you can see, the water is frozen over now, a lot more snow and eery mist!!

The local 'beach' that I spend all summer at if allowed to....hard to believe.

Someone was creative....I got wet shoes trying to capture it...but glad I did!!

A bridge we ride over all summer, as you can see the sea is freezing over....During the summer there are always boats, fishermen, people Kayaking, stand up boarding....Its gorgeous...now its just cold!!

Porno selfi..

This is what happens when the temps keep dropping and rising...lovely massive chunks of ice...I am fascinated by them!

I think these doodes are a little lost